One of the first steps towards a positive lifestyle is to accept that life is full of disappointments and setbacks. Don’t ignore them or push them away from your life, just accept that they are a part of our everyday life.
Relationships ends, friendships ends, a job that you applied for will not start, you have a bad day, friends will die….unfortunately shit happens and you know what, it is ok to feel shit about it, it is ok to show your emotions, it is ok to have a bad day, it is ok to cry out loud!
A positive lifestyle doesn’t mean you should be happy and positive 24hours a day, 7 days a week about everything that happens in your life, that is impossible.
Feeling sad about the shit that happens in your life is good for the treatment of pain and grief. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself once in awhile.
But you need to accept that sometimes there is nothing you can do about it and that what ever you do, you can’t influence a situation (anymore). When you feel bad because you want to go out running but is start raining, there is nothing you can change about it, it is not in your circle of influence. Feel shit about it and make a decision, stay inside and watch an episode on Netflix or accept the rain and go out running. Don’t let it ruin your whole day. Whatever you decide is good as long as you accept it and let it go.
The same goes if you girlfriend or boyfriend break up with you, feel sorry for yourself, cry, maybe drink some beers or a bottle of white wine and cry even more, but learn to accept it and move on with your life. Be grateful of what you still have like clean water from the shower, food on the table, a house to live in. I will write more about being grateful in another post.
When I’m writing this post about the fact that that you need to accept it I realise it sounds easy but I understand it is not easy and it will take some efforts, pain and time before you find your flow in accepting that you can’t change things that are not in your circle of influence.
Big steps can be made once you can accept that shit happens in your life. In Buddhism this is called “Dukkha” – which is translated as incapable of satisfying and sometimes it is translated as suffering which is an incorrect translation, since it refers not to literal suffering, but to the ultimately unsatisfactory nature of temporary states and things, including pleasant but temporary experiences (source – Wikipedia).
My advise on how to deal with disappointment and setbacks:
- Feel the pain, cry and be emotional when you feel that is needed
- Decide if the event in your circle of influence
- No -> Accept it and move on
- Yes -> Decide what you can do about it and just do it, don’t wait, go fucking do it!
- Ask yourself if this disappointment or setback creates an opportunity for me and what can I learn from it
- Talk about it with your friends, parents or even colleagues – > don’t keep it for yourself but share your thoughts. Find someone to talk about it. The fact that someone is listening will support you in acceptance
- Try the 3 to 1 rule. There are 3 positive events needed to cover for 1 negative event
- Count your blessings, focus on what you have and be grateful
- Focus on the ‘now’, all we have is now and not the past
- Disappointments and setbacks are not the end or a journey, keep on going and the story about the Beatles is inspiring – The record company Decca rejected a record deal with the Beatles with the famous quote “Guitar groups are on their way out”
So always keep going and never give up!
Music always inspires me to move on:
When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm, there’s a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark
(Gerry & the Pacemakers – You’ll Never Walk Alone)
When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
(REM – everybody hurts)
Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash
