It sounds a bit controversial but you are 100% responsible for your burn-out so stop blaming others and don’t walk away from your responsibility! You are in charge of your life.
The positive thing about this is that you and only you can change the situation you are in. It starts by accepting that your burn-out is your own responsibility and that you can start taking back the control of your life.
Friday 13th of May 2016 is a date I will never forget. On that day my burn-out kicked in when I started to cry behind my laptop. I immediately started to blame others for this situation. My manager, my colleagues and even my friends because they haven’t supported me when needed. But how could they know when I always told people that all things were fine. When I felt shit, I just wanted to blame others and make them feel responsible for my burn-out. This is of course ridicules, we can’t blame others for how we feel, we are the boss of our own body, our thoughts and our life!
It sound easy, as always, but how the hell can you start taking back control of your life?
- Embracing your own responsibility
- Face the brutal truth
- Create an action plan based on the brutal truth
- Take control of your reaction to others
- Be yourself again
1. Embracing your own responsibility
You need to understand and accept that you are responsible for your own life. With controlling your reaction between stimuli and response you set the basic for a good burn-out recovery. You can’t change others, only yourself, so stop wasting your time on blaming others and focus on your own responsibility.
2. Face the brutal truth
You need to be honest to yourself and analyse what and why things went wrong. It’s called the brutal truth so be brutal to yourself and describe everything in full detail. A couple of examples:
- I didn’t really say what I wanted
- I avoid conflicts
- I think that my manager doesn’t like me
- I think my team don’t take me serious
- If I don’t work tonight, they might think I’m lazy
- I feel insecure when I talk to the management team
- I always say yes, but I don’t have time for this and want to say no
3. Create an action plan based on the brutal truth
When you have outlined your brutal truth, you need to create a plan on how you can change your life and get the control back. Scrip all the moves / needed actions you need to do. For example
- I didn’t really say what I wanted
- Write down what I want to say prior to a meeting and try to say at least one thing of the list. When this is going well you can increase it to two, three etc. topics you want to say in a meeting. Start small and have quick results, good for your dopamine!
- I avoid conflicts
- Notice the next time you avoid a conflict, write down how you wanted to react and tell yourself that next time you will react this way. When done. reward yourself for this small success!
- I think that my manager doesn’t like me
- Why? Who told you that? Did he or she told you or is this just your own thought? Remember that you don’t need to be everybody’s friend.
4. Take control of your reaction to others
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl
“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose.” Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words and our actions. We can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.
When you have the feeling that you can control all your reactions & feedback to others you have the greatest power in the world. As said it is your life and nobody has the right to make you feel shit. In the short time between stimuli and reaction you can make a difference.
How can you do this?
You need to teach yourself to take a pause between stimuli and your reaction by taking a deep breath, think and create a feeling of confidence inside you and choose your own reaction instead of a quick automatic reaction. Think about some alternative responses and choose the best one for your reaction. The same with the action plan of the brutal truth, take small baby steps and train yourself. Each time you choose the alternative, more positive response you will notice that you will be proud of yourself and that your response feels much better.
5. Be yourself again
Tell yourself to be yourself; we already have so many others. You have the right to live, you are born to be alive so tell your self that your life is worth living, you have a positive impact on others !
Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
